Kyaaa.... Here i am again, after 3 years of BPharm.
Suddenly felt like I wanna quit. Semester 5 and Semester 6 were my worst semesters in this programme. I don't think that it is because of the programme that made me this way. It is because of myself. I don't have much motivation to continue this path after realizing how will the working life would be and because I don't think I am worth to live a life anymore. I don't know how should I stand up again after falling for many times.

My love life still the same. I still contact him. Until one day he said, "You make me terrified each time you contact me."
My heart broked so hard after those words. But I still contact him again few weeks after that even though it is still painful.

I don't know what to think about anymore. I can't see my future. I am not ambitious as what I am before. I have lose all of my positive energy. I hate myself. I feel like it is the end of my life but I know I should keep on going. Now, I am letting everyone laughing at me.

The things that previously keep my head up during my hard time can no more console this weary heart.

I can't get off of my bed for this few days. Help Me! Please!

So, here I am. Still alive. Haven't visit this page for 2 years!!!

And now, thinking of posting something again on this blog. Why? 

Simply because I am having a tough time now. So, what happen within that 2 years????

Well, basically I managed to pass my IB Final Exam with a total of 35 points! Yes! 33+2 bonus points! I do feel grateful :)

Then what happen was, I made up my mind to change my course to BPharm during the last minute! Just few days before my MAHSA MBBS interview. I applied to few private university and finally I chosed IMU - International Medical University, Malaysia. I never regret of letting go the chance to be in MBBS programme. NEVER!

But, here is another problem. PHARMACY!

I never knew that I will be having a tough time here. This course still demand something that I don't have. I don't have a good communication skill. I can't mingle well with the people here. But, after been 2 years here, I slowly become less anxious on using English when talking to my non-malay friends.
NOTE: I am not a Malay but Malay is my second language and I do use quite frequent. :3

I am at the peak of my depressed phase. I just don't know what to do now. Feeling 100% demotivated.

Another disappointing thing: I am still single and no one even approach me. That makes me still attached to my ex-boyfriend. I do still like him a lot. LIKE SERIOUSLY??? Yes. :(

OK. Till then. I will definitely write some post again because I am damn depressed and somehow I think I am half crazy. 

#Tomorrow got Skill Dispensing Test and I dont even study.

WHAT??

Lots of things happens throughout this 2 years... And my time in IB is almost finish. There are lots of things that I regretted because of not doing it throughout this 2 years.

When I read back all of my posts, I felt like a dummy. (well, i tot i am)
But then, there's still lots of things that I haven't realize in my life...

All I want to do now is:
- free from any relationship, no hard feeling
- concentrate to study
- achieve at least 34 points in IB, my only hope :'(

I realize that I depend to much in him. I'm too weak in my faith. I always ask HIM to show me the way to HIM but I NEVER put an effort to seek for HIM.
I am so afraid of death, keeps on reminding myself bout it but I never try to be a better person, I always disobeyed HIM. We never know when is our time would come. Keeps on reminding myself bout it but in contrast, I ignore my own reminder.

What do I want for myself?? WHAT??
I don't know

Whatever!

Its been quite sometime since my last post... Well, nothing much happen. There is, but i just can't remember..
However, quite soon to make a conclusion for year 2012. This is my blog so, i can post anything right??

Ok, the first thing!!
Christmas Day!
Well, it was not as merrier than what I thought it would be. why??
1. My mum and my siblings were not going back
2. Some of my cuzzies and their parents also not going back to our kpg
3. He din even wishing me Merry Christmas.. Shedihhh
4. Most of my college friends also didnt wish me because their religion forbidden them to do so.. It is so unfair! Why would there be such thing! Shediihhh lg
5. Risau assignment tak siap pun satu hal
6. Kwn ramai tak balik
7. I cant go anywhere coz my family were not allowing me to go out... I want to see my friends maaa... sobsobsobsss :'(
8. It's always raining in the afternoon =..="

Then, i wanna add on to what happen during 25th of Dec
           I met a guy, looks kinda ok in terms of physical look. He shown some interest towards me. But then in term of intelligence, errmm.... It's not that I'm being biased or what not but just that I'm afraid he did not understand what am I talking about at him. Another thing is that, I love Kpop. What if he don't even like Kpop. He seems like a man who doesn't like it. Our interests. That's the issue. Another thing is that, I think I am not ready to be approach by any guy yet. What a severe heartbreak that I have!
If I can erase the memories, I would like to erase it right away!

#SHedihhhh#

Secret of Da Day

I got such a shocking news today. My guy friend like my girl friend. So hilarious but yet need to keep it to myself. yeahhh!! But so sad la.. it was like my story also. Something that can't be reach. They were quite close like how my ex-boyfie and i used to be. Should I discourage him not to confess? I'm quite sad for him. I know how they would look like when the secret reveals itself. Like me n my ex-boyfie.

AWKWARD!!!

However, the story of my ex-boyfie and I haven't finished yet. Now, I frequently text him... I can sense that he's kinda awkward but I just can't hold myself.

Me at 12.20 am on 17/9/12

I'm trying to constrain myself from thinking of having him back. But I just cannot deny that I still love him very much...very very much... But I would rather trade it with a friendship. :'(

THINGS HAPPEN

I said,"It is hurt to know the truth..." and you say,"But sooner or later we will get used to it."

==" well....it is not that easy for me... after that i told u that i am sorry and i do sorry... n u no reply my msg :/

HUrrr....again and again, I talked about him... I dont know but I believe that "the one" for me is not coming yet.

Basically, this post is about something interesting happen to me this week :)...

1.        I found out that the guy that I thought I can fall in love with to replace my ex is already engaged and he already engaged for two years already-which means  before he went to this college. And surprisingly, I didn't even remember that he's actually my team mates during our orientation week until I saw our group pic.. Hahaha...well i don't mind, it is a good thing though that he's engaged. It's better for me to stay way from the Muslim's guys.. Please don't get me wrong, I did not hate Islam or any other religion, but it's for the sake of my family. He's the only boy in my college that managed to get my attention AND HE'S ENGAGED AT A VERY YOUNG AGE(for me la). I am not frustrated bout that. HUHU

2.       That monday, 3 Sept 2012, my beloved senior going to Dublin as she's going to pursue her first medical degree in UCD-University College Dublin. I wanted to sent her to the airport and see her for the last time before she's going oversea as we were quite close, but the warden did not allow us to go out to the airport to send our senior. So disappointed but yet I cannot do anything about that. Well, good luck for her!! :') YOU'RE THE BEST SENIOR I'VE EVER HAD!!!

Kembang hidung dia klu dia baca post ni...hahaha...

I think that's all for now, I THINK...