My First Love Story with My Own Best Friend!

I haven't seen you for 1 year and 3 months. 9 months have pass after our break up.  Have gone through all my days after that with a little good past memories with you but yet still can feel the deep cut you have made on my heart. I was loving my own-selves, creating my own fantasy about us being a couple who's in love. Yes, I know it. Being ignorance throughout that time, ignore that you actually just acting to be in love with me when you are actually not, just trying to love me back but you can't. Accepting my love just because of "friendship" in which have been destroyed because of that little feeling that I have in you.

At the first place, I already can feel your insincerity. You're a man full of tricks but never able to hide your true feelings. You are not a perfect guy. You're not even deserved to be called as "cute" to me.

It is a painful truth for me to know that I was actually falling in love with you, my own best friend. And, even I took a long time to admit this. It was very hurt to know this. I cried because of that. I feel a bit happy that you are willing to give me chance, to be your girl. But I felt guilty as you are actually forcing yourself to accept me. 

The reason why I chose to be far away from you so that when the time come for us to break up, I will not feel too depressed, just want to end up the guilty feeling. But different things happen. It really kills me and especially when I am left alone. Tears will starts to flow on its own with my thoughts fills with you and all those memories. It was very painful to accept you as a "friend" back with the love feeling still warm in my heart even though you have made my heart severely broke into pieces with the painful feeling that you never imagined a strong girl like me would experience. I don't like to be in this condition. NO! NEVER!

Sometimes I feel regret of letting you go but I realize that you were never in my arms. And now, without realizing, you have warned me. You're not going to give me any chance or else we need to sacrifice our friendship and become strangers. I may have lost my best friend but at least I can still save you as my friend even though I don't want to.

Back then, I am still alive until now. How I wish you could read this entry. But neh! It's not gonna happen :-P

I still have so many things to think in my life. My family and my other friends who needs me. Think of what can do to other people. Think of what will I be in the future. Doctor? Pharmacist? Or maybe a Teacher? errrrr..... hahaha....

#IAm EmoEmoGirl#