WHAT??

Lots of things happens throughout this 2 years... And my time in IB is almost finish. There are lots of things that I regretted because of not doing it throughout this 2 years.

When I read back all of my posts, I felt like a dummy. (well, i tot i am)
But then, there's still lots of things that I haven't realize in my life...

All I want to do now is:
- free from any relationship, no hard feeling
- concentrate to study
- achieve at least 34 points in IB, my only hope :'(

I realize that I depend to much in him. I'm too weak in my faith. I always ask HIM to show me the way to HIM but I NEVER put an effort to seek for HIM.
I am so afraid of death, keeps on reminding myself bout it but I never try to be a better person, I always disobeyed HIM. We never know when is our time would come. Keeps on reminding myself bout it but in contrast, I ignore my own reminder.

What do I want for myself?? WHAT??
I don't know

Whatever!

Its been quite sometime since my last post... Well, nothing much happen. There is, but i just can't remember..
However, quite soon to make a conclusion for year 2012. This is my blog so, i can post anything right??

Ok, the first thing!!
Christmas Day!
Well, it was not as merrier than what I thought it would be. why??
1. My mum and my siblings were not going back
2. Some of my cuzzies and their parents also not going back to our kpg
3. He din even wishing me Merry Christmas.. Shedihhh
4. Most of my college friends also didnt wish me because their religion forbidden them to do so.. It is so unfair! Why would there be such thing! Shediihhh lg
5. Risau assignment tak siap pun satu hal
6. Kwn ramai tak balik
7. I cant go anywhere coz my family were not allowing me to go out... I want to see my friends maaa... sobsobsobsss :'(
8. It's always raining in the afternoon =..="

Then, i wanna add on to what happen during 25th of Dec
           I met a guy, looks kinda ok in terms of physical look. He shown some interest towards me. But then in term of intelligence, errmm.... It's not that I'm being biased or what not but just that I'm afraid he did not understand what am I talking about at him. Another thing is that, I love Kpop. What if he don't even like Kpop. He seems like a man who doesn't like it. Our interests. That's the issue. Another thing is that, I think I am not ready to be approach by any guy yet. What a severe heartbreak that I have!
If I can erase the memories, I would like to erase it right away!

#SHedihhhh#

Secret of Da Day

I got such a shocking news today. My guy friend like my girl friend. So hilarious but yet need to keep it to myself. yeahhh!! But so sad la.. it was like my story also. Something that can't be reach. They were quite close like how my ex-boyfie and i used to be. Should I discourage him not to confess? I'm quite sad for him. I know how they would look like when the secret reveals itself. Like me n my ex-boyfie.

AWKWARD!!!

However, the story of my ex-boyfie and I haven't finished yet. Now, I frequently text him... I can sense that he's kinda awkward but I just can't hold myself.

Me at 12.20 am on 17/9/12

I'm trying to constrain myself from thinking of having him back. But I just cannot deny that I still love him very much...very very much... But I would rather trade it with a friendship. :'(

THINGS HAPPEN

I said,"It is hurt to know the truth..." and you say,"But sooner or later we will get used to it."

==" well....it is not that easy for me... after that i told u that i am sorry and i do sorry... n u no reply my msg :/

HUrrr....again and again, I talked about him... I dont know but I believe that "the one" for me is not coming yet.

Basically, this post is about something interesting happen to me this week :)...

1.        I found out that the guy that I thought I can fall in love with to replace my ex is already engaged and he already engaged for two years already-which means  before he went to this college. And surprisingly, I didn't even remember that he's actually my team mates during our orientation week until I saw our group pic.. Hahaha...well i don't mind, it is a good thing though that he's engaged. It's better for me to stay way from the Muslim's guys.. Please don't get me wrong, I did not hate Islam or any other religion, but it's for the sake of my family. He's the only boy in my college that managed to get my attention AND HE'S ENGAGED AT A VERY YOUNG AGE(for me la). I am not frustrated bout that. HUHU

2.       That monday, 3 Sept 2012, my beloved senior going to Dublin as she's going to pursue her first medical degree in UCD-University College Dublin. I wanted to sent her to the airport and see her for the last time before she's going oversea as we were quite close, but the warden did not allow us to go out to the airport to send our senior. So disappointed but yet I cannot do anything about that. Well, good luck for her!! :') YOU'RE THE BEST SENIOR I'VE EVER HAD!!!

Kembang hidung dia klu dia baca post ni...hahaha...

I think that's all for now, I THINK...

uhu uhu!! EE!!

Finally, managed to finished my EE and my English portfolio. Time is running out. Today, I didn't even take a nap. I slept at 5 am and woke up 7.30am yesterday. Luckily there's no Economics class today because the teacher didn't managed to enter our class >.< I spent my whole day to finish my portfolio and only managed to send it at 5pm. Fiuuhhh!! Then, at 5.30pm I went for volleyball practice until 7pm. I enjoyed playing volleyball eventhough I am not good at it. Shower at 8.30pm-8.45pm. I did not go for dinner that evening because I need to cut down my food consumption to lose weight that I gained during the holidays.

Now, i am still fresh but my eyes can't really open. The right side of my eye seems to have bruises. Well, let's hope that there'll nothing happen to it. WEll, thats all for now. Need to continue brainstorm for my EE that will be pass up again tomorrow.  Gud nite gud morning.

*HappierThanBefore#

My First Love Story with My Own Best Friend!

I haven't seen you for 1 year and 3 months. 9 months have pass after our break up.  Have gone through all my days after that with a little good past memories with you but yet still can feel the deep cut you have made on my heart. I was loving my own-selves, creating my own fantasy about us being a couple who's in love. Yes, I know it. Being ignorance throughout that time, ignore that you actually just acting to be in love with me when you are actually not, just trying to love me back but you can't. Accepting my love just because of "friendship" in which have been destroyed because of that little feeling that I have in you.

At the first place, I already can feel your insincerity. You're a man full of tricks but never able to hide your true feelings. You are not a perfect guy. You're not even deserved to be called as "cute" to me.

It is a painful truth for me to know that I was actually falling in love with you, my own best friend. And, even I took a long time to admit this. It was very hurt to know this. I cried because of that. I feel a bit happy that you are willing to give me chance, to be your girl. But I felt guilty as you are actually forcing yourself to accept me. 

The reason why I chose to be far away from you so that when the time come for us to break up, I will not feel too depressed, just want to end up the guilty feeling. But different things happen. It really kills me and especially when I am left alone. Tears will starts to flow on its own with my thoughts fills with you and all those memories. It was very painful to accept you as a "friend" back with the love feeling still warm in my heart even though you have made my heart severely broke into pieces with the painful feeling that you never imagined a strong girl like me would experience. I don't like to be in this condition. NO! NEVER!

Sometimes I feel regret of letting you go but I realize that you were never in my arms. And now, without realizing, you have warned me. You're not going to give me any chance or else we need to sacrifice our friendship and become strangers. I may have lost my best friend but at least I can still save you as my friend even though I don't want to.

Back then, I am still alive until now. How I wish you could read this entry. But neh! It's not gonna happen :-P

I still have so many things to think in my life. My family and my other friends who needs me. Think of what can do to other people. Think of what will I be in the future. Doctor? Pharmacist? Or maybe a Teacher? errrrr..... hahaha....

#IAm EmoEmoGirl#